the worst of it all is
i like feeling this way
to be without this feeling
is to be nothing
i want sadness
despair
loneliness
i have a problem that i dont want solved
my life is out of tune
i hear nothing but wrong notes
and yet
these are the only notes that sound right
the tears wont come out
i cant remember the last time I cried
everyday seems to get worse
and i feel it building up
if only there was something i could do
but its not up to me
im down
its up to everyone
but me
i just listen and take notes
watching my life pass by
i can no longer stand it
something has to be done
Sunday, February 20, 2011
SSP
When I dream I realize how little I have
And yet I have so much
I’ve traveled the world
But still long for the touch of love
Because I’ve never felt close to someone
That hasn’t let me down
All of my pursuits lead me into deep water
To drown
I expect nothing but nothing
And I won’t be caught sobbing
Because I shut the blinds
And I lock the doors
No one wants to witness a sole sulking party
So leave me alone
I don’t want company
Unless you’re as desperate as me honey
And yet I have so much
I’ve traveled the world
But still long for the touch of love
Because I’ve never felt close to someone
That hasn’t let me down
All of my pursuits lead me into deep water
To drown
I expect nothing but nothing
And I won’t be caught sobbing
Because I shut the blinds
And I lock the doors
No one wants to witness a sole sulking party
So leave me alone
I don’t want company
Unless you’re as desperate as me honey
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Suddle Annoyances
there is a watch that beeps inside of my room
it has been in here since as long as i can remember
it beeps every few hours
whenever i least expect
like a few minutes ago
when i sat down and tried to write a poem
about love or depression or whatever i was feeling at the time
but now my mind is focused on the watch
it beeps with confidence
as if it expects a response
i have tried to find this watch
but it does not want to be found
i don’t want to find it
though it can be bothersome
sometimes
i often welcome its electronic greeting
like an old friend
after all
we have known each other for years
longer than most humans stay in touch
i wonder how it keeps its charge
after running for so long
eventually everything dies
even batteries
it has been in here since as long as i can remember
it beeps every few hours
whenever i least expect
like a few minutes ago
when i sat down and tried to write a poem
about love or depression or whatever i was feeling at the time
but now my mind is focused on the watch
it beeps with confidence
as if it expects a response
i have tried to find this watch
but it does not want to be found
i don’t want to find it
though it can be bothersome
sometimes
i often welcome its electronic greeting
like an old friend
after all
we have known each other for years
longer than most humans stay in touch
i wonder how it keeps its charge
after running for so long
eventually everything dies
even batteries
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Afraid of Happiness
Isaac was driving. The highway always looked so beautiful after if rained. With the wet asphalt reflecting back headlights. It wasn’t quite dark outside, but in a few hours it would be. Isaac was driving, but he didn’t know where. Sometimes he would just get in his car and start going. He didn’t always end up anywhere, though. A few weeks ago, he drove all the way to Atlanta, just to turn around and drive back home. Music always accompanied Isaac on his drives. And it was never cheerful music. It was music that you could cry to. Music that you could listen to after your parents funeral. Vivaldi, maybe. Or Coltrane. Yes, most definitely Coltrane. He could go for miles with Blue Train. Like as if his car’s engine didn’t even run on gasoline. As long as he had music going, it was forever.
Isaac thought about a lot of things while on these drives. Like girls, and how he hated his job. Isaac didn’t hate the job itself; it was the other employees that he hated. They weren’t on the same page as Isaac. He had very little interest in material things. He mostly just played his records and tried to write decent stories. But the other employees were only concerned with money. All they could think about was money. Getting more money, how to spend money, where to put their money, if they had any at the moment. Most of them had children, some of them several. Isaac liked children, but didn’t want any of his own. At least that’s what he told himself. Isaac actually had no idea what he wanted in life. Except that he didn’t want money. He despised money. He hated having a job, because he had money and he had to think about it also. What to spend it on, and how to get more. Isaac wanted desperately to quit his job and go somewhere far. Somewhere where he didn’t need money. But there is no such place.
Isaac drifted back on the subject of girls. There were a few girls back home that he was interested in. Some better than others, but all beautiful. There was one in particular, though. She had dark, flowing brown hair, with a smile that could plant a garden in a desert, and a body that you could wrap yourself around for days. She was the best. Isaac has been trying for years to get a shot in bed with her. But she’ll never agree. She knows and Isaac knows it. But that doesn’t stop him from trying. She always talks about getting married, and raising a family. How she would be a great mother. But Isaac doesn’t want children, or a wife. Maybe. Isaac wants to travel the world and experience everything it has to offer. Be it the beauty of natural landscapes, or the stark terror of a third world country. Maybe Isaac just enjoys being miserable and maybe Isaac will never be happy with…happiness. May—
Isaac turned his car into oncoming traffic. His body went through the windshield and landed on the wet asphalt. It always looked so beautiful after it rained, reflecting back headlights.
Isaac thought about a lot of things while on these drives. Like girls, and how he hated his job. Isaac didn’t hate the job itself; it was the other employees that he hated. They weren’t on the same page as Isaac. He had very little interest in material things. He mostly just played his records and tried to write decent stories. But the other employees were only concerned with money. All they could think about was money. Getting more money, how to spend money, where to put their money, if they had any at the moment. Most of them had children, some of them several. Isaac liked children, but didn’t want any of his own. At least that’s what he told himself. Isaac actually had no idea what he wanted in life. Except that he didn’t want money. He despised money. He hated having a job, because he had money and he had to think about it also. What to spend it on, and how to get more. Isaac wanted desperately to quit his job and go somewhere far. Somewhere where he didn’t need money. But there is no such place.
Isaac drifted back on the subject of girls. There were a few girls back home that he was interested in. Some better than others, but all beautiful. There was one in particular, though. She had dark, flowing brown hair, with a smile that could plant a garden in a desert, and a body that you could wrap yourself around for days. She was the best. Isaac has been trying for years to get a shot in bed with her. But she’ll never agree. She knows and Isaac knows it. But that doesn’t stop him from trying. She always talks about getting married, and raising a family. How she would be a great mother. But Isaac doesn’t want children, or a wife. Maybe. Isaac wants to travel the world and experience everything it has to offer. Be it the beauty of natural landscapes, or the stark terror of a third world country. Maybe Isaac just enjoys being miserable and maybe Isaac will never be happy with…happiness. May—
Isaac turned his car into oncoming traffic. His body went through the windshield and landed on the wet asphalt. It always looked so beautiful after it rained, reflecting back headlights.
The Most Comfortable of Silences
The most comfortable of silences
with the most deadly of persons
Hurricanes and snakes have nothing
on this one
For Years I've tried to wrap my
arms around the body of a stubborn lady
but only manage to strangle my organs
and fill notebooks with what if's and maybes
as My composure slowly worsens
with the most deadly of persons
Hurricanes and snakes have nothing
on this one
For Years I've tried to wrap my
arms around the body of a stubborn lady
but only manage to strangle my organs
and fill notebooks with what if's and maybes
as My composure slowly worsens
Yarn Dreams
The world is made of string.
We walk down string streets.
We swim where string creeps up onto string beach.
We meet underneath string skies
and kiss beneath string lights.
Our Father's, our Mother's
are string just like the others.
Some live in string homes.
Some live in string gutters.
Some live to weave an infinite world of string livers.
But I, I am a pair of scissors.
We walk down string streets.
We swim where string creeps up onto string beach.
We meet underneath string skies
and kiss beneath string lights.
Our Father's, our Mother's
are string just like the others.
Some live in string homes.
Some live in string gutters.
Some live to weave an infinite world of string livers.
But I, I am a pair of scissors.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Everyday Habits
It makes me physically sick to my stomach to see fellow human beings stuffing themselves with processed flesh and milk on a daily basis. If everyone that consumes animal products knew what it took for one hamburger to make it onto their plate, there would be a lot more vegans and vegetarians. When I first became aware of what I was ingesting, I was amazed at the horrible things that are a part of the meat and dairy industries. Dairy cows suffering from severe infections caused by the machines they are strapped to, or chickens being boiled alive. The meat and dairy industries are involved in a modern day holocaust.
I have gotten to the point in my life, to where I have become so used to being vegan, that I can’t even imagine myself ever eating meat again. I have absolutely no urge to put a dead creature inside of me. It’s almost as if it doesn’t exist. Until I pass by a 400 pound whale of a man engulfing burger after burger at a fast food “restaurant.” Then I recall images of limp animals being dragged into slaughterhouses by their ankles, and dogs, cats, or minks, having the skin pulled from their squirming torsos. That is when I remember that the world I, and all of us, live, breathe, and play in, is all for this unnoticed form of torture, and genocide.
The one thing that really gets me steaming is that a high percentage of people in the world have pets, and love their pets more than most other people, but they still eat meat. Now, I know that most of these pet lovers wouldn’t eat a domesticated animal, let alone their own pet. And I keep going back to this question, “Why not?” Why not eat your pet? Do you think your pet has emotions? When you step on a dog’s tail, does it not yelp? When a cat is hungry, will it not cry for food? If dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals can experience emotion, what then, prevents cows, chickens, pigs, or any other form of life on this planet from experiencing it as well? When pigs are shot in the head with a bolt gun, they make sounds like no other sound you will ever hear. It is terrifying, and I feel helpless to know that this is still going on today, and that I have little to no control of it.
I can’t tell you, or anyone for that matter, what to do or what to eat, but I sure as hell can try, and until every slaughterhouse, dairy farm, and fur trap is burned to the ground, you won’t see me with a steak on my fork. All I am trying to say is that next time you are thinking of buying a Big Mac, think to yourself, is it really worth it?
I have gotten to the point in my life, to where I have become so used to being vegan, that I can’t even imagine myself ever eating meat again. I have absolutely no urge to put a dead creature inside of me. It’s almost as if it doesn’t exist. Until I pass by a 400 pound whale of a man engulfing burger after burger at a fast food “restaurant.” Then I recall images of limp animals being dragged into slaughterhouses by their ankles, and dogs, cats, or minks, having the skin pulled from their squirming torsos. That is when I remember that the world I, and all of us, live, breathe, and play in, is all for this unnoticed form of torture, and genocide.
The one thing that really gets me steaming is that a high percentage of people in the world have pets, and love their pets more than most other people, but they still eat meat. Now, I know that most of these pet lovers wouldn’t eat a domesticated animal, let alone their own pet. And I keep going back to this question, “Why not?” Why not eat your pet? Do you think your pet has emotions? When you step on a dog’s tail, does it not yelp? When a cat is hungry, will it not cry for food? If dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals can experience emotion, what then, prevents cows, chickens, pigs, or any other form of life on this planet from experiencing it as well? When pigs are shot in the head with a bolt gun, they make sounds like no other sound you will ever hear. It is terrifying, and I feel helpless to know that this is still going on today, and that I have little to no control of it.
I can’t tell you, or anyone for that matter, what to do or what to eat, but I sure as hell can try, and until every slaughterhouse, dairy farm, and fur trap is burned to the ground, you won’t see me with a steak on my fork. All I am trying to say is that next time you are thinking of buying a Big Mac, think to yourself, is it really worth it?
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